How to Craft Impactful Icebreakers

I was at a meeting the other day and the facilitator opened by saying, “I hate icebreakers. So, we’re not going to do one. Instead, tell me what’s the worst icebreaker you ever had to do?” [which was funny ‘cuz that’s essentially an icebreaker ;)] But omg did the participants dish! Soooooooo many folks shared icebreakers that took up too much meeting time, had no connection to the work at hand, were weirdly personal or judgmental or boring, and none had a clear reason as to why they were being done in the first place. Ultimately, the participants felt like icebreakers were a waste of time.

But I disagree. Yes, bad icebreakers can suck the life out of a meeting…but when icebreakers are intentionally designed, they can be really impactful! They can get conversations flowing, set the tone for a meeting, help people see each other as humans, focus the group on the task for the day in a creative way, and even help us slow down and center when we rush, rush, rush from task to task. In short, impactful icebreakers can help us get good work done together in compassionate, human-centered ways.

So, below are some my favorite tips, tricks, and examples to help you create intentional, engaging icebreakers at your next meeting.

1. Consider your “why.”

It sucks when an icebreaker takes up 10% or more of the meeting time and no one knows why we did it. As a facilitator, take a few minutes to think – why do you want to spend time on an icebreaker? Why does this activity matter? For example, maybe you want a fun icebreaker because your participants just went through a big budgeting process they deserve to celebrate. Or maybe your group is fairly new and you want the participants to get to know each other better through a name-game. Whatever your “why,” connect it to what the group needs*. And after you clarify the “why” for yourself, share that reason with the group. Because knowing the reason for an activity positively influences how members participate in the activity. This is true for students in a classroom, and it is true for staffers in a meeting. And don’t forget: there are a lot of people out there who really don’t like icebreakers, but if they know up front the reason you are doing it, they will be more open to engaging.

*Compassionate Pro-Tip: When you create your “why,” be sure to consider the greater context from which your participants are entering this meeting space. For example, if there was a recent traumatic event in the community – like a school shooting – or in the organization – like a round of layoffs, your participants may enter the meeting carrying a lot of tension and difficult emotions. In such cases your “why” may be to acknowledge that burden, help them transition into this space, and to engage in the work at hand as best as they are able. Based on this “why,” a breathing exercise, guided meditation, or poetry reading are examples of appropriate icebreakers [see #7 below]. But if you ignore this greater context, you may unintentionally force participants into an activity that feels disingenuous, disconnected, or tone-deaf, and your icebreaker may backfire.

2. Give participants time to think.

Some people love thinking on their feet, but most of us benefit from a moment to reflect before we are ready to share and actively listen to others [rather than half-listening because we are thinking of our own answers]. So, when you pose a question to the full group, give at least 1 full minute for folks to think about their answer. Those 60 seconds give participants permission to slow down and really consider the question at hand. If you want thoughtful answers, give folks time to think.

3. Use time creatively.

One of the main reasons people are hesitant to incorporate icebreakers is because of the time it takes for everyone to share. But icebreakers don’t always have to be with the full group. If you’re short on time, consider a partner or small group sharing option, or even an easy “turn and talk to the person next to you,” rather than going around to each individual. This is especially helpful for large groups. Ten mins with one person is a good amount of time to sink into a full conversation. But 10 mins over 20 people is way too quick and puts you as the facilitator in the position of being a time cop. And, if your group meets regularly, you can switch up the partners at each meeting so everyone gets to know each other a little better over the year.

4. Connect to the meeting topic [and even our values].

Often, icebreakers have an abrupt transition to the point of the meeting: ex. “Okay folks, we just spent 10 minutes sharing a story about our favorite kind of pie…now let’s get into comprehensive budget planning.” Huh? Why did we just spend time talking about pie???? So, instead of asking about pie, consider asking the participants to share about the first time they planned a budget, or share their favorite budgeting tool [let those CPAs get a little nerdy with it!].

You can also be less literal and go a little deeper into the tone you want to set for the meeting: for example, if you are anticipating a tense meeting [because let’s face it, budget meetings often are], ask participants: “Think about a time when someone else showed you grace and compassion during a tough conversation…how did that make you feel? How did it help you work together?” This type of intentional icebreaker centers the group on the values we want to practice and how we want to be with each other in this work together.

5. Open people up to each other’s experiences [without unintentionally orienting them towards judgment].

I’ve seen many icebreakers go awry when a question is phrased with judgmental wording. For example, “What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?” Ugh. As an Indian kid who grew up with people bullying me for my “stinky baby poo” lunches [i.e. curry], please don’t ask this question. The phrasing has a value-judgment built into the wording, and you run the risk of someone naming a food that is weird to them but holds strong identity and cultural connections to someone else. So instead of asking about “weird food,” here are some more expansive iterations:

What is a food that makes you feel comforted?
What is a food that opened you up to new experiences?
What is the first meal you can remember sharing with your best friend?

These simple reframes allow people to connect and learn from each other rather than unintentionally “othering.”

6. Be aware of the trust-level in the room.

I’ve seen a lot of icebreakers that get way too personal way too quickly. For example, during a budget meeting, don’t ask people to “share a time you experienced a layoff or had to fire someone.” Whoa! Where did that come from??? This is not an icebreaker; it’s a discussion disguised as an icebreaker. Deeper questions like this can be beneficial BUT only when…

The group members know and trust each other.
There is time to transition into and out of these emotional waters with care.
The facilitator is trained on how to hold space for processing.
Participants do not fear retaliation for their answers.
Participants consent to having such discussions.
There is a clear reason for bringing up something so deeply personal.

These are just a few of the parameters to consider with deep, emotionally vulnerable questions like this. I have worked with teams where it is important that we ask these kinds of questions – for example, when working to develop an anti-bullying or anti-racist workplace culture, and tapping into our lived experiences is important to crafting relevant and effective policy. But we spend months working up to that level of trust. So, until you are ready to invest in that kind of team building, keep the icebreaker prompts appropriate to the trust-level in the room. Otherwise, you risk causing real harm to the participants.

7. Get creative!

Questions are the default go-to for icebreakers, but as you get more comfortable with icebreakers, I encourage you to mix it up and consider more creative ways to engage your participants. For example…

Is your group rushing in from another meeting and bringing hectic energy? Facilitate a simple breathing exercise or guided meditation to slow them down and ground them in the meeting space.
Is there a hard conversation on the agenda? Pull up the organization’s values and ask each participant to verbally share which they want to practice in the conversation and why they chose that value.
Was there prep work for this meeting? Have participants partner up and share their thoughts on how the prep work influenced their thinking on the meeting topic.
Gonna be sitting for a long time? Get folks moving by having each person share their favorite stretch.
Stuck on a virtual platform for hours on end? Have a “gif-off” where each participant drops in chat a gif that best describes the energy they are bringing into this meeting, or use an online white board to have a “silent conversation” about a specific prompt. And don’t forget those breakout rooms for partner or small group conversations!

But my all-time favorite creative icebreaker strategy is poetry. I regularly use poetry to ground participants in our shared space and prepare them for the work at hand. Poetry can help us clarify that which we internally feel, intuit, or have yet to explore. As a result, we can better understand not only our own ideas but also ourselves and each other as humans. In her essay, Poetry is Not a Luxury, Audre Lorde describes “poetry as illumination for it is through poetry that we give name to those ideas, which are [until the poem] nameless and formless, about to be birthed but already felt.”

A few examples:

I love using this Danez Smith poem, “my presidents,” when working with clients to center the communities we serve, and after listening to it, we discuss who are the “presidents” in our lives. [tip: Danez might be my absolute favorite poet! Learn more about them at their website and through their interview on Vibe Check. You won’t regret it!]
And I adore using this poem/musical piece, “Brightly Burning Flame/Narrative Theology,” by Justin Grounds and Pádraig Ó Tuama with clients to help them think deeply about the ongoing and unfinished work we are doing, how we have picked up the mantle from others and will hand it off to the future. This reading gives me chills each time I watch it.
And if my clients are willing to grow and push their boundaries, I encourage them to create their own poetry, through simple frames like haikus or an “I am from” poem. You will be shocked how “into” writing poetry adults get! And how much sharing the experience and their creations can help a group learn about each other and bond.

As you can see, poetry speaks our truths in surprising and visceral ways. If you’d like to get started on your poetry icebreaker journey, check out The Poetry Foundation or Button Poetry, or check out some of my other favorite poets reading their own works on YouTube:

When intentionally planned, poetry can nourish reflection and introspection and seed powerful discussions. And though so much of this amazing work is available for free, if you are able, please support your favorite poets by purchasing their work.

And that’s it! These are my best tips to for intentional, impactful icebreakers, and I am confident you’ll have fun practicing one or more of them as you create your next icebreaker. And be sure to forward this to others who may find it useful. As I always say, I’m here to help and we can all help each other, so share the blog-love J Best of luck in your next meeting, and drop me a line to let me know if you used these and how it went.

*Note: All hyperlinks in this document were licensed as “free to use and share” and/or under Creative Commons permissions.

Blog